If Only We Were Crazy Together

Cloudy with a chance of organ failure.

2009-10-31T04:03:00.000-07:00

My life is one big extravagant event after the last. It never seems to cease that the second I get to a place of complacent happiness, something goes horribly awry.

So in light of that, let me explain.

Being newly single again as of late, and being stressed out about still being unemployed, and dealing with friends, family and the like, now I'm feeling rather ill. Like I cannot take a piss ill. Looking it up, the best correlating symptoms point to late notice urinary tract infection, with a possible bladder infection to top the whole thing off. My kidneys are acting up, as they have been in the last few months. Sharp pains like an organ imploding on itself hit my lower back a few times a week, and now I've lost the ability to urinate. When I can, it's dribble and it hurts to do. Also, drinking anything except water seems to have adverse effects on the entire situation. Drink a Pepsi, get nauseous for 20 minutes. Drink a beer, pee painfully and have to force it out. Long story short, I think I'm gonna be on antibiotics for my birthday. GLORIOUS.

Why is it that this shit keeps happening to me? At this rate, how long do you predict my body will last? I'm 22 and I'm having problems my father should be having. My organs don't like my diet and I don't like to think about how I don't like my organs not liking my diet, because it's just habitual. It's a giant clusterfuck. One I hope to find my way out of eventually here.

Remain.

2009-08-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

So another couple months, another failed relationship, and a new reason for a new beginning, and I'm starting to get sick of living.

Not that I'm one of those dark, creepy emotionally destructive suicide kids or anything. There's just a point of no return in modern times for those who expend all resources in hope of having a successful return, in turn only getting empty hands and an empty heart. I've always been the optimist in light of the shittiest turns of luck, always been the one to look at the world logically and consistently, judge from a distance, from somewhere safe. I've always been able to overcome my sadness, madness and bring it forward as a learning stepping stone. This time, though, I didn't learn anything. I tried to grasp the concept of what was happening around me, and it just didn't happen. I told myself to be the optimist and keep going, keep on with the day to day grind, and things would find a way to work themselves out. They didn't. And now, I am alone once again. Broken hearted and tired. This weight is getting heavy. Too heavy. I don't wanna carry it anymore.

If I cast some light, I might be able to find my way through this. I have a feeling though that it's all downhill from here. Always has been. Always will be.

-:!!:-

[Working On It]

2009-08-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's me. At CONvergence 2009. Now while this was back at July 4th weekend, I've just been busy as shit since, and haven't had time to write up anything interesting lately. Sue me.

Been crafting a few new things in my life lately, new relationships, new music, new newditty. That's right, made up a word there. Mainly been busy babysitting and postulating opportunities. Got my driving permit, got money being saved up, got happy days and long nights. It's been rather colorful, actually, and it's been turning me life around. Yarr.

The new music project is of particular relevance. Made up of a bunch of hoodlums I know, including one who doesn't even play music but is attempting to, it's an amalgamaband of sick, sad individuals and we are currently going under the name A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Given that this name has probably been taken before given it's obvious uses, it IS a tentative name, but it's one of the most fun that we've come up with so far. I'm digging it, and the music is fun too. Very semi-original, with some flare. Now if only Kevin could properly keep up on his own. heh

I'll be back on here soon to write up what else is new, but for now, I'm supposed to be watching the baby. Not mine, mind you, but you get the point. Laters.

-:!!:-

Bring Back the Fucking Mafia.

2009-06-13T18:40:00.001-07:00

What happened to the classical term for 'gangster'? Why is it a cultural market, and exploit of people with no minds to mind their own people?

Ok, lemme break this down. First off, when the hell did the gangsters of yesteryear become such a fad? Like I remember the concept of fear through raw domination, that makes sense to me. But I'm lost at the part where it's about protection? See, back in the day, the mafia moved in to open up underground businesses in a time where the country wasn't really in it's best shape (see: The Great Depression) and they did it with positive intentions. Sure, the idea was to take control over the towns, or parts of the city and make sure that you had say about where the money was going, but this was a choice made with the best intention for the community. Instead of being unjustly harassed by the law enforcement agencies into a point of terror, the mafia made sure that businesses weren't being taken over by those who had no stake in the interest of the community. Their methods, ruthless and cunning, were the pillar of this movement. When people think of the mafia, they think of people being shaken down, getting shot and making tons of money. That's the very skinny of it. Ignoring the history of both cultures and thinking about it in such terms leaves you blind to the real point.

Survival was the purpose of these actions, and still stands today. The concept now, though, of a gangster run city is ludicrous! Have you seen these fucking kids these days that think they embody the same vision that was present in the early 1900s? Just a bunch of slacker ass losers! I'm not racist either, but the majority of the modern slacker ass loser gangsters seem to be coming from the african-american community? Seriously?? You people really think you have any idea what the fuck your American Dream is? No you don't. That's why the black people that sold the fuck out (see: T-Pain, Little Jon, etc) actually make money, while the rest of their culture that cannot achieve that sit around bitching about it and try to live their lives "gangster" by scraping, robbing, killing and overall making our society a more dangerous, and overall worse place to be. It's fucking sickening to me that the average black youth will choose that lifestyle over the ones put in front of them by the country they're in. Seriously, schools now are more black friendly than ever, yet I've actually heard multiple black kids bitch about how "the white man still holds us down, and you're white, so you'll never understand"

Mother fuckers. I AM WHITE. I am not holding you back. None of us are. You are holding yourself back you ungrateful fucks. Instead of getting an education and being someone, you reject your opportunities because they don't appeal to your cultural standards that you yourselves have set. Instead of being a banker (where you get to literally be awash in a sea of cash) you choose to bang bitches and smoke weed and drink 40's until you go blind in a sea of kids you don't take care of! You're breeding generations of useless children, and I can't wait for the day that "the white man holding you back" requires your balls to be cut off at 15 due to population overbreeding. Trust me, we'd do it. We would do it to ourselves, we will do it to anyone.

Point I'm tryin to get at here, is that I fucking miss the classical term for gangsters. Back when even though it was a criminal empire, it was an empire, not a fashion statement. Someone rile up some italians and get them back on the scene to wipe these fucking amatuers off the map PLEASE! Oh, wait. That's right. They got their country in line and now make a large amount of world exports and are self sufficient. Something it seems America has a hard time doing right now. Huh, funny, isn't it?

*Gat GAT Gat or so is the sound of you falling flat*

Missing something.

2009-05-25T16:20:00.001-07:00

Took that photo while staying with a friend out at the University of Minnesota campuses. It's an old, rickety wooden bridge, held in place by crumbling concrete bases, and strung up by long metal cables, as many bridges tend to be. I wonder how long it goes without proper care, and at that rate how long can it last from here? The wood on the floor of it is severely warped and even rotting in some spots, the cables are showing stress breaks and rust, and when you walk across it, it feels frighteningly unstable. But for some reason, I love it.

Staying up there for a while got me speculating what kind of college life I could've led, had I spent the time to not get kicked out of every educational establishment in the metro area. Been a while since I've really had that "time machine" thought that we all have now and again, and this kind of atmosphere changed the mood I was in almost immediately, given the positive energy and clean cut buildings with beautiful architecture, all bristling, even post-semester, with people of all walks of life, young and old. It's really a thing of beauty to see nice people (albeit a bit above my class, realistically) living their lives and enjoying the immense social benefits of going to a dorm-oriented college. Made me wish I could go back to those days of middle school, the days when I was constantly harassed, picked on and bullied, and go beat the shit out of those who caused me so much grief, resulting in a full disconnect from my intellectual self, and rejected the vision of education based on the experiences I had been through. My middle school, and most of high school life wasn't focused much on building educational backgrounds, as it's supposed to be, as much as it was a constant fight to defend my character, name, and physical being. This is a severe issue in modern day schools, one that is only now coming to attention. 10 years after 2 kids go and kill a whole fuckton of their fellow classmates, NOW, they are starting to get it.

I continued to spread my wealth of knowledge on my own, after swiftly going through the motions of being disallowed near any metro school. A fact, that while I am not proud of, was not completely faulted by me, as it was the broken system around me. While, yes, the counter argument is that the system isn't broken, some people just choose not to accept it blah blah blah, while I can agree with bits of that, it breaks down like this: Going through all the rough and tumble misadventures of my youth, and how I was mostly friendless and constantly having to look over my back, the big picture is that I never felt safe, never felt confident in myself, never had the ability to just relax and put priority in order, because even in my home, I was barraged by my enemies. Eggings, name calling, rock throwing, group fights, and many other horrible things led me to believe that I was never safe. In turn, my ability to hammer down on learning was hard, because I was always worrying about if I was going to be assaulted on my way to the bus after school, or if when I got home people would be waiting there, or if damage had come to my house, let alone preparation for the next day. This was a very immediate danger to me, and I expressed this, sometimes in tears to the officials who ran the schools, and was always treated as an aggressor, never as a victim. Always I was told to just "get over it, or tell the truth" as if I was congregating these violent stories in my head. Even after being DIRECTLY ATTACKED one day, it still didn't make them believe me. They just assumed I started the fight, and suspended me. Bloodied up, and emotionally broken, I took my leave of absence. You see, that's the thing. I never could buckle down after that, and around my junior year of high school, I actually started to get my confidence back, but at that point, my education was below par, and my social life and personality had to be re-created from scratch. So as that I wasn't about to spend the rest of my high school career alone, I took a lot of time actually rebuilding that, instead of my knowledge, that I also desperately needed.

Now I sit, an under-educated (yet very well-spoken :/ ) individual of the age of 22, wondering when my break will come. No big college like the UofM will ever accept me, so that experience can only be accessed through third parties, and the job market continues to mock me because of it. Modern times have hit hard, and I don't really have money to go to any school, and my ambition to do so is just steadily growing. Maybe one of these days, I'll find a way to get back on top. First up on my list, school.

Tales of Modern Life, Part II

2009-05-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, so that last post didn't go over so well apparently, mainly because it was misconstrued, and I probably lost some friends over it. SO BE IT.

People take my observations as malicious attacks on their personal lives and there's nothing I can do to change that. Some people are naturally defensive and shoot the barbs at you over simple opinions. Now, the last time I checked I DO live in America, and I DO have the free right to say my piece on my blog or wherever the fuck I want, so I will not be retracting that post by any means. That's how this whole thing works, you know free speech and stuff. They also have the right to not read my shit, or care about my opinions. But alas, I have been called a vulture and have been told to take my shit elsewhere, and I will. You know what I don't get though?

Hypocrites.

Tales of Modern Life, Part I

2009-05-14T23:31:00.001-07:00

Been thinking a lot lately about the benefits of modern existence and it's morality impacts on our culture, and it's starting to create a diminished version of my vision of modern living.

See, from my experience, there are so many types of people that it's hard to judge character upon first meeting people, or the first few times you spend time, absorbing timelines and memories of those that you come into contact with. So why are we all not evolved by the events in our lives, these seemingly endless encounters of random happenstance, most of which leave burning scars on our psyche, whether for good or bad? In friends I spend decent amounts of time with, I tend to notice patterns of self-deprecation on an almost constant basis. It truly makes me ponder why people try so hard to beat the challenges they conceive for themselves when most of them are futile acts of self-promotion. Made only to enrich the ego, or to satisfy some self-serving purpose, not intended for mass production. An example would be as such; A girl finds a boy that she likes, and pursues him and his interests over long periods of time. Spending all of her critical emotional energy, she pumps her soul into serving this boy and gets small acts of repayment through small, sparse attention spurts. The boy simply ignores the emotional attachment he's allowed the girl to craft, and proceeds to continue hunting for mates, as if his primary focus in life is to always find new territory and mark it. Now this may seem ordinary in a primal sense, but the point is not yet validated.

Forward from that point, the boy finds a new girl that he finds tickles his fantasy, and promptly cuts connection with the previous girl, leaving a trail of unraveled destruction in his path. He then pursues a relationship with the new girl, as that each interest he conveys to her, she agrees wholeheartedly. Thinking he has found his perfect mate, he decides to do whatever he must to keep her in his life. 2 weeks pass, she leaves him for what she defines as "a better mate" and continues on her way. Boy is destroyed. No reactionary impulse but to self-destruct and self-loathe. Girl from the beginning who was previously cut out of the picture is now slid back in, just to fill the gap of emotional texture that was blown out by said situation. She acts as if nothing ever happened. Now, think deep about that. Doesn't something seem weird there?

I don't understand why we live in such a ridiculously repugnant society where things like that are a commonplace. The first girl should take her experience with the boy as a lesson learned and understand that he doesn't care for her, or have feelings for her, and probably never will. Especially considering the evidence of him dropping her like a bad sandwich for the next freshest one is proof enough that he is simply using her for his own gains, let alone the follow through. It's as if being ignorant really is bliss in situations of sexual desperation and madness. These are just some of the small things I've been noticing develop around me, and I can't begin to explain just how much it destroys my vision of the world I live in. Makes me think there isn't much heart to it anymore, that's all.

Holy lord, someone scared that monkey...

2009-04-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is an aroused sock monkey. Suck it bitches.

Lately, I've been rekindled with my love for NewsRadio, a great show from 'back in teh day' or whatever slang kids say these days to try to impose their version of history. I borrowed the first season from a friend, and have just been bingeing on it, clinging to the prime days of Dave Foley and the eternal pimp of humor Phil Hartman. I dunno, you really have to be there with me when I watch it for a full explanation. Call me weird, but that shit is amazing.

Stayed with a friend for just about two accumulative weeks, just to rearrive home today for the first time in 4 days or so. I've been staying there for reasons I cannot begin to understand, I tried one day to decipher what makes it so great, and my brain proceeded to attempt to leap from my skull. The house is generally dirty, mundane, no internet, limited cable, no music besides a 4GB iPod mini-intraveneously-ghetto-rocked through a old television with blown out speakers, and nothing but ramen, water and coffee to survive off of. As a livable environment, it tends to stray into boundaries I have about places I would stay. Call me a freak or whatever, but seriously? I cannot constantly be surrounded by old trash and stuff. Burns holes in my soul.

My tenure there ended for a while beginning today though, as that I am coming to the realization that the fun of being there is a large reason I stay(ed) there as much as I did, but I also realize that it had unnoticed consequences on my psyche, and most of them were longstanding under-the-surface things that just found triggers in my experiences there. I've seen my friend evolve in to a relationship with a really nice girl, and for some reason it bugs the living shit out of me. There's a few reasons why, and I'm gonna run through them like the pansy bitch I am. I complain, get the fuck over it, or stop reading this now.

First thing is just companionship. I tend to do things like run off and stay with a friend for a while whenever I get the chance, and the primary reasoning behind this is simply that I have loneliness issues. I do, and I need to find a workaround for them, so usually yeah, when I have the opportunity to stay with someone I like, I do so. I am constantly feeling alone and agonizingly saddened by each passing minute. Some people call it boredom, I call it hell. This is the main reason this is so prevalent is because living there, I was basically forcefully subjecting myself to my friends infatuation with this new plaything. He was constantly physically advancing on her, even with friends in the room, and one night yeah, I woke up to some umm...unpleasant things. SO, with that in mind, I started to feel a bit of a third wheel.

Second thing on my list is the lack of communication with the world. Sure, I have a phone, that has numbers, but most of my friend groups don't mix well, and I don't dare invite more people into situations like the one mentioned above. That's the beauty of the internet, and the crutch of my addiction to it. I am a social fucking monster. I love talking to people and keeping up on things going on with people I know. That's why Facebook and MySpace are such horrible guilty pleasure things of mine. But being in his house, I had no communication, and it made me feel desolate. Like I was all alone, which is nice, independence feels great, but then you start to wonder who misses you and the whole thing snowballs into a mental breakdown.

Third, and for the sake of the list, the last thing was really just general health burnout. Living from day to day on floors with erratic sleep patterns, little to no food, no showers and nothing but booze or water to drink. It became a prison. This is something I cannot do.

Either way, I also in all of the confusion and depression of this, took that fantastic monkey photo with my phone and had a great epiphany about my life. I fuckin' hate it somedays!

Rambling thoughts about.

2009-03-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

Ahhh late night ramblings. How I love you so, keeps me in check. Sort of.

You see, my mind works fastest and most abstractly at night, which encourages my song writing, my abruptness and overall, my blunt truth-ness. This can either be bad or horribly OK. Time to find out, eh?

I have been having resurgent dreams about a girl. Who this girl is will remain confidential because of the nature of the subject. Now these dreams haven't been dirty or anything, they've just been a repeating memory of an event that hasn't occurred yet, or something along those lines. I just walk with her for a long time on a beach and talk about things, and all of it is very reinforcing to myself and whatnot. It's a very almost egotistical dream, but there isn't much ego-hugging about in it, more or less it's just random discussion that makes me feel good. And that's the worst part, is knowing that such conversations are realistic in nature, but the dream strings them to encourage the idea that IT IS A DREAM. NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. etcetera.

I'm in a rut, I need a pick me up. This is becoming a reoccurring dream because this is a vision of happiness to me, and it seems that the girl in question is a necessary part to it, regardless of her current knowledge of it. It feels like destiny, or fate or whatever random crap you want to throw at it. In reality, it's probably my wild mind running amuck and if I take actions on such visions or tell this girl how I really feel I will more than likely be castrated and throw to the sharks. For now, I think I might just keep it on the low. I don't want to upset the balance, you see.

"New days, throw your chains away, try to hang your hopes on the wind" - Beck: Little One (Sea Change)

Hahaha...Oh I'm a nerd...

2009-03-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

Thought today's Penny-Arcade was rather priceless.

Angels.

2009-02-28T00:50:00.000-08:00

Loss is a hard thing to deal with. Especially when that person is a parent.

I had a friend message me this week with the news of his mother's passing. He is a longstanding good friend of mine, and I knew his mom very well, so it destroyed a large section of my heart to know that she had lost her battle with cancer. Now, we had all known of the losing fight with the disease, and for a time we had not necessarily ignored it, but kept it in the background as to enjoy the best of our time with her, what time we had left. But I eventually (and regretfully) drifted off from him for a time due to a whole collage of different events in both of our lives that in retrospect was probably a mistake on my part. But I could sit all day reminiscing and blaming myself for bullshit that is all dust in the wind, and I know that's how he'd put it too. What I really want to do is tell everyone out there to love your parents and if they are good to you, do your best to let them know that you're grateful. Because you are probably the most important thing to them, whether they say it or not.

Cindy Hansen, my friend's mom, and my friend was a great person. Loving, compassionate and full of life. She could always make us smile and was definitely always good for a laugh or two. She took great care of her son, even under the most dire of situations, and for a time, she watched over my head as well. In that time I got to know a bit about how she ticked and it taught me a lot about how to be a good person, or at least, a good parent. She taught me that being a parent, especially when you have a teenage boy is about positive restraint and reinforcement. She never said no, unless it was morally irrelevant, in which case, she'd just ask us to use our best judgment and stay out of trouble. That may come off lazy on first read, but you have to see the way that they lived, humbly at best, and how that gives a kid the ability to live for dreams and push himself to be greater than the average, stand out by means of originality. A way to carve a character that is unmissable. And trust me, if you met her son, you'd see what the hell I'm talking about. He's one of the strongest characters I've ever known, and to know he's in pain made me completely rethink my reclusion from him and that group of friends. I never thought I'd get the notice that I did, and it made me feel like shit for not being there, when I was needed.

I'm hoping to catch the wake tomorrow, on the other side of town. It's the least I can do, and I need to see my friend, and make sure that shit's gonna be OK. That's what friends are for.

Rest in peace Cindy, you will always be loved and missed.

Watching video after video after video after.

2009-02-18T23:39:00.000-08:00

Oh, how I ever should...

Interesting last week or so, saw Cynic & Meshuggah in concert which was most beautiful, gave a neat present to a friend for a (albeit belated) Valentine's day gift (which I'll wax more about in a bit) and finally rewatched one of my favorite crazy indie movies of all time. All of which made up about 90-100% of my exciting events of the month. Shows how the monotony can start to get to you, eh?

The Cynic show was as I said, beautiful, for not really the reasons I expected either. Paul Masvidal just impressed the shit out of me, and I really would love other people to hear the almost zen like guitar work he seems to pour out of every part of his soul. It's really intensely gratifying as musical substance goes, and seeing it live made me admire his aimlessness. Like a jazz guitarist, his focus was all on the delivery, and not on the zazz/showmanship of it, as most bands suffer from. Meshuggah was also most awesome, but my condition by the end of the night prevented me from truly enjoying it. I was just worn out, and it was absolutely a fucking sauna in that place.

The next day of course, was Valentine's day. Oh that dreadful fucking morose black colored soulless wreck of a supposed national holiday. Now I'm not one to sit there and beckon the argument that "it's a Hallmark holiday" or that it's meant to inspire love or whatever. What I will say is that I fucking despise the day, because of the lack of love in my life, or even subtle contention on that day. Every day for going on, what? 5 YEARS now, I've been alone on that day, and you know what? I hate myself for it, that is, when I stop to think about it. It always sends me back and forth, up and down, soul searching for some abstract reasoning as to why I'm alone, why of all people I'm always sitting by my lonesome, hoping for some underlying surprise to take me on some spastic adventure to whittle my fears and thoughts away. Never happens though. Never has, don't expect it to change coming any time soon. It's severely depressing to me, and most of the time (in fact, for about 3 of those allotted 5 years, the previous of those is not to be discussed with any seriousness) I end up drinking myself to sleep, pondering beer after beer, shot after shot, when I can stop doing that to myself. I realized this year, that the holiday isn't really real to me. It's more like I'm a poster boy for the anti-Valentine's day. But wait. What the hell would they call it if I'm the poster boy? Fuck...that's a hard question. I'll get back to you on that...

In turn of those statements, I did do something for that day, it didn't really come up because of the day per se, just so happened to coincide with it. Made a mixtape (it's actually a CD, but I like the sound of 'mixtape' better) for a girl I know, long story short, I think she enjoyed it. She says she does, but my conscience is a horribly paranoid one, and I'm not smart enough to judge things like that, really. At least not without proper inspection. ANYWAYS. She inspired me to make a mix for her based on what I thought she'd like, or what would make her happy (yeah, I know, how very High Fidelity of me...) and used that as a guideline to craft a group of songs that would convey a general theme and hopefully promote happiness, so that regardless of how her Valentine's day went, she'd have something to keep her upbeat. I know music does that for me, and somewhere deep down I'd like to think that music is a spiritual healer of sorts. Helps to calm and center yourself when shit gets out of hand. And since I know she's gonna read this eventually....uhhh....I hope you are still enjoying it. :p

So that's basically a wrap of everything I did this week. I also tried downloading a few movies and succeeded with a few. Grabbed 'The Chumscrubber' and 'The United States of Leland'. Both movies I got into back when I worked up at the video store, which now seems like a hazy memory. I would suggest them to any person who can handle a decent drama movie, though.

OH! I figured out a name for my reverse Valentine's day. I can't believe it didn't hit me before... It's almost perfect:

"Disconsolate Day". Woot. That's right, look it up if you don't know what it means.

This is gonna be interesting.

2009-02-11T00:43:00.001-08:00

This weekend has intrigued me. Hopefully as goes as planned and no one dies.

Vicarious.

2009-02-08T15:36:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I'm starting to think about just becoming a drifter. Because that shit actually sounds more interesting than the shit I'm doing now.

All the shit around me in this house is beginning to get under my skin, and there are quite a few things that I must address, NOW. First off, fuck the economy, and the inability for hundreds of thousands of people to find a job and pay their mortgages, and fuck the people that got us here. Fuck Bush and Bush supporters. You are all a bunch of close-minded paranoid savage fucks with absolutely no humanity. You chose for us to fall as a nation and now, we all pay the consequence. I can only pray that Obama can wipe the shit out of our eyes. Secondly, fuck cable programming and the things they display for the public to view. Fucking TLC is one of the worst channels I've seen, and yes, that includes the channel formerly known as MTV. If I seriously have to see the pathetic members of my reclusive family sit and watch through one more fucking "I'm so fat I can't leave my house feel bad for me" shows I am going to murder an obese person, just to tip the scales in the favor of more positive programming! It really just screams volumes about the way that Americans live and how they have to have some sick, morbid shows like that to truly appreciate their mediocre existences. Do you really need to watch that shit as if some day it might happen to you?? Do you really need to cherish how "normal" your kids are, when in reality you've been so distracted by these abnormal kids on television that you basically act like they are superior to your own children? Is this really what the fuck makes you happy you sadistic piece of shit?? And yes, I am referring to a family member in this instance, but I know more than one person watches that crap, or it wouldn't still be on TV!! The kind of programming that Americans, and some others around the world watch is degrading and disgusting. Watching others misfortunes in order to justify your 'happy' life is the most convoluted, backwards assed blind thing you can do. That's just sick.

Thirdly, this whole rant was brought upon by a series of tangent events that culminated in one big anger outburst. Most of it was frustration, being stuck in a room all god damned day, having nothing but finger breaking video games to cull the beast of crawling time. Getting stuck in a video game when video games are your only outsource is the most aggravating thing of all time. That goes doubly for any hobby for a person in my position, mixed with the fact that every one around me is always wrapped up in their own shit that they can't even take the time to answer their damned phones and say, hey, I'm busy today, sorry. In an age of cellular superiority, the least you can do is ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE. It's not gonna kill you. Or maybe it will. Let's find out. AAAAAHHHHHH I NEED A NEW LIFE!!!!

Loud Noises.

2009-02-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering, no, I'm very not OK.

But I never have been, and what's stopping that now. There's always some new way to distract myself, some new toy to play with (Killzone 2 demo drops on the PSN tomorrow...) or some new fellow to speak with. Babble babble bullshit. You know how it is. No? Maybe I'm better off than I think. I don't ask whys or hows or whens I just take this shit as it comes at me. Oh, and by the way, the new P.O.S. album? Never better.

Eyes closed, close your eyes.

2009-02-02T21:14:00.001-08:00

I found this picture on Google, reminds me of my father.

This winter cold just won't leave. It shutters me inside, burdened by the needs of Mother Nature to recycle things before the spring comes. I just become such a shell of a man when locked up in the house for extended periods of time. It's like a prison, only outside the blizzard keeps me from escaping, knowing that the world outside holds nothing but sure death. Then I tend to sleep odd hours and wake up fervently during the night. The hum of the computer in the background helps to synthesize some sort of false reality, like an infant listening to the sounds of their mother's heart beat. It's calming, and sedating for a while, until the rush of thoughts spew from my mind, releasing endorphins throughout my brain, causing my mind to race back and forth on subjectively minor things, like if the intonation of a comment made by a friend was appropriate or negatively encouraged. Especially when that conversation is from the internet, things like sarcasm are especially hard to gauge. Then, all thoughts expired, I fall into the slumber. Only to wake up later that night and be thrown from the rails of my dreams.

"We live a dying dream, if you know what I mean" - Oasis

Gone.

2009-01-31T00:01:00.001-08:00

I stumble.

I try to catch myself.

And get up again

but I fall all the way down.

In the daylight

I see angels,

I see angels like you.

Then in front of me

the traffic lights shine

as my mind races

back home.

And all of these feelings

these useless feelings,

they are driving me

back home.

I stumble

over life and love

I try to catch myself

but then I fall again.

In the darkness

I can't see anything

But in the darkness

I feel OK.

I don't have a reason anymore...

I don't need a reason anymore...

I don't want a reason anymore.....

In the daylight

where the angels scream

and the sounds of the city

haunt my dreams

In the daylight

Where I can see the light

I'll blind myself

for you.

Then in the nighttime

When all has come and gone

I stumble on...

I stumble on.

She's all so good.

2009-01-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. It's so rawcore. No one ever want to talk about children zombies. It's a touchy subject.

I think I've underestimated the value of having a good friend now and again, and the last few days, I've totally started to wrap my mind around more positive things. Boundaries be damned, I need to continue to bring these types of things to fruition, methinks. It's hard to be earnest when you are making sure that you don't cross lines that don't exist, and it's even harder to step up and cross those imaginary lines for the shock value that follows. I, myself, stand back from this precipice of understanding and ponder the richness of my character, and the soul I claim to own, debating heavily if I can be a good friend, or if I make a better boyfriend. Or if I'm just anxious and stupid. One of those...

I'll find my way from rock to rock, until I'm out of rocks, theoretically. If I slip though, the trip to the hospital may be tragic. Or something. Yeah. Did that make sense? Probably not.

Can't fucking do it anymore.

2009-01-24T01:15:00.000-08:00

This whole situation has become volatile and I no longer feel safe or happy.

Tonight I watched as my ape-like friends got hammered drunk in less than 2 hours and proceeded to attempt to beat the living shit out of each other. That was a sight to see, trust me. None of this was inflicted by actual conflict itself, as much as the boredom between men, with nothing better to do than to hurt themselves for entertainment value, and idea that would never have come to fruition under more reasonable circumstances. These are all smart men, with good intentions, yet to grasp some form of male superiority, they have to engage in these futile, redundant stunts, and I am done with putting myself in environments I don't feel comfortable in.

This may sound like some desperate plea or some bargaining chip to a game that hasn't started yet, but I say this with complete honesty. I am done, with drinking, drugs, even fuckin' cigarettes. From this day on, I'm 100% me, and I'm separating myself from the things I think are of bad direction or influence on me. I'm being forced to cut off my main social circuits by doing this, but I cannot stand to feel that I am befriending people and giving my care and time to those who feel that their days aren't complete without a bottle, a joint, and according to recent discussions, cocaine. These people are going to fall hard for a long time, and I am sick of subjecting myself to it. I'm done.

So if you know me, and care for me in the slightest, don't fucking offer me any drugs or drinks, just fuck the hell off. And if you are a true friend, with smart goals for your life and a strong head on you, please, give me your time and help to try to keep me afloat. I don't really have much left in me to keep living this way, and all I can ask now is that those around me try to help me be constructive. Help me rebuild a new life with no regrets. Because right now, it's hard to even think about starting anew again.

"They say that friends don't destroy each other, what do they know about friends?" - The Mountain Goats

Green colored hat.

2009-01-17T23:57:00.001-08:00

If I were a betting man (and I'm not, thank you very much) I would say that you are a simple person with simple tastes. Such as watching a poodle burn in a fire, or sticking your fingers in places they don't belong. But once again, I'm not a betting man. But that's why you're here, is it not?

I am however, a magician of sorts. One that can make your insecurities disappear. One that can make all those little voices in your head telling you that you're not OK take a fuckin' dirt nap for a while. One that can fill your soul with cosmically undefinable joy and more. These things come at a cost, however. You will have to believe all the things that you cannot see, hear, or smell. You will have to follow me. As I will follow you. Our paths will intertwine and the universe shall come to a place of peace and stability. This is how it is, and must be. For now and forever, may the healing binds of the unrequited love take hold of our destinies and lead us to the stars.

She then turned to me, and calmly said

"Yes."

My patch.

2009-01-11T11:16:00.001-08:00

RIP old hard drive. Ye will be missed.

Been an interesting couple of months since I've posted. Seen some movies, played a bunch of new games, listened to a lot of new music, made some new music, lamp on my HDTV crapped out, bought a new one, voted in the first black president of the United States, sister moved back in with my parents while her husbands in Iraq (not for much longer, thank you Obama) she brought with her a newborn and of course, Bruiser, then birthdays, holidays, etc. All of which ended with my computer's hard drive taking a nose dive (that rhymed, and you know it did) and me having to have that fixed. All was lost, but hey, new beginnings are the bee's knees, right?

My resolution for 2009 is to actually fucking use this space to keep my peeps updated on my life. Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish it.

"Yeah, fuck you too."

2008-08-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm back, from my elongated trip to hell's own version of hell, Junction City Kansas.

It was an event for the ages, filled with entropy, the glitters and golds of ghetto riding, and the endless act of ballplaying. All in all, I didn't mind it, but I don't think that it was so much to be enjoyed as it was just to be experienced. And that's about all I did. Experienced stuff. Woo hoo for experience.

Coming back though I've noticed that not shit has changed, the people that were dumb when I left didn't magically get profound intelligence, the parents are still two hamburgers away from a full stack of stresscakes, and my room has newer, shittier pillows, which I will use reluctantly. I don't even know what attracts me to this place, or any place in particular. My social interactions usually prove more enraging than constructive, and being jobless in this newer, shittier America is always a great way to ruin your day. Epic fail Bush, epic fail.

I really need some ass. Jesus, did I just type that aloud?

Reboot.

2008-08-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided that the old format of this was uninteresting. Not enough jazz, one time stop kind of thought patterns. I was trying to make this blog about what it isn't. What it is is a place for those around me, to play catch up on my already established cynical condition. A place of meandering thoughts and misguided notations. A sort of "clinic of the mentally ill' if you will. That rhymed, and you know that rhymed.

In my great disposition of being obtusely bored, as Kansas isn't the family event of the year, nor the funpark of a lifetime, I have come to the conclusion that I am tired of arguing things with people that are unnecessary to argue. Whether that be the legitimacy of reviews of a video game, who's got the right-away at a stop sign, who should take the dog out, and what shirt I should've worn to that funeral, it's all just plastic bags in the wind. While it might be amusing to stare at for a while, it gets old and stale, and needs to be disposed of. So I'm throwing it all away, starting over, here, on this ambiguous webpage at least. It's so easy when it's just 3 clicks away!

So from here on in, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays will see posts. None other, because on the weekends I touch myself and read the news, amongst other things. And those days in between you ask? Well they just don't fucking exist as far as you're concerned.

The long and winding road.

2008-07-19T16:51:00.001-07:00

Going away to Kansas for a while. Attempting to hunt the Wizard down. Do not follow me.

I will be back around the end of August. Thank you for your patronage.

"Interesting choice of words."

2008-07-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

So after all we have done, it comes to this.

I'm skipping town for about a month, going down to Kansas (or in my terms 'Kans-ass') to stay with my sister and her husband and their little dog too. Yes, I'm aware of how stupid that was. Thank you.

I'm leaving on the 22nd, and I'm starting to think up all the shit I need to do, or see before I vacate for the skies. The Dark Knight is the main peak of interest, regardless if I see it before I go or while I'm there. Should be a worthwhile time. Lots of violence in this one I hear. Other than that I need to start a rather comprehensive list of shit to put into oversized bags to take with me. I hear I can only have one carry-on bag, so I'm gonna have to be pretty selective about what's in that fucker.

Either way, this is gonna be interesting. My pretty little Mac is coming with me, so I'll update my status here, or on my Facebook page. More to come eventually.

Oooh, hey look, it's a rumor.

2008-06-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

Rumormongers abound! This tiny piece of information is spread far and cross the intertubes at the moment, rumor of the famed PS3 firmware update v2.4, featuring the coveted 'in-game XMB' access. Within are a take-it-with-a-grain-of-salt list of 'features' that are said to be in the update, as well as my interpretations of the rumors horribly vague notes.

[Friend category]
View, send, receive messages (In-game messaging, both text and audio)
Manage downloads (Ability to check the progress of downloaded items from the PlayStation Store.)
Set the vibration feature of the controller (Not really sure yet.)
Sign in to PlayStation Network (Just like Xbox Live, you can sign in to your profile from in game.)
Register friends (Add friends in-game, will be helpful with the 'recently met' section.)
Manage Bluetooth devices (Choose your BT settings at any time, add new devices in game.)
Terminate the game (Odd wording, I would've said "quit game".)
[Music category]
Use the system BGM (Custom soundtrack control, access to the XMB music category in game)
Work the system BGM operation panel (Full control over the player)
[Settings category]
Assign controllers (Hopefully to profiles, so that we can have multiple PSN profile login on one system, like Xbox 360.)
View profiles (Same hope as before)
[Game category]
Set audio devices (Set up mics for matches, in game access.)
Use the voice changer [Turn on at any time.)

Now that's a nice hefty list, but the wording on some of it gets to me. Anywho, the 'source' also claims we won't see it til E3 starts in about 3 weeks. I hope that part is a lie. Also, this list has complete lack of mentions of Sony's Trophy system that they announced on the blog a few days back. So we will just have to wait and see how legit this one is.

Motherfucker.

2008-06-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

It goes without saying I'm not the only person who has noticed this, but I never got to spell it out my own way before.

Comedy's nature has two sides. Everybody wants a good time and a couple of laughs, and of course, the comic wants to be known as a real funny guy. But the language of comedy is fairly grim and violent. It's filled with punchlines, gags and slapstick. After all, what does a comic worry most about? Dying! He doesn't want to die.

"Jeez, I was dyin'. It was like death out there. Like a morgue. I really bombed."

Comics don't want to die, and they don't want to bomb. They want to go over with a bang. And be a real smash. And if everything works out, if they're successful and they make you laugh, they can say "I killed 'em. I slaughtered those people, I knocked them dead."

And what phrases do we use when we talk about the comic? "He's a riot." "A real scream." "A rib-splitting knee-slapper." "My sides hurt." "My cheeks hurt." "He broke me up, cracked me up, slayed me, fractured me, and had me in stitches." "I busted a gut." "I get a real kick out of that guy."

"Laugh? I thought I'd die."
-George Carlin (1937-2008) RIP

Excerpt from the book 'Brain Droppings' by George Carlin.

Life, disconnected.

2008-06-19T17:24:00.000-07:00

So this week sucks, marking the 3rd consecutive month that I've just about run myself out on the train tracks. Yeah, it's that bad.

My Playstation 3 had, well, a mishap happen to it. The Blu-ray drive is dead, which for the uninformed, means I cannot play any disc based media. No games, no movies, no CD's, nothing, nada. This was especially denting considering it was a launch system (60GB) which I purchased through a 3rd party friend, and was never given the receipt or anything. Even then, the warranty that came with the system would've expired by now. So either way I look at it, I'm up shit creek. Then, again, I do hear Sony's repair & turnaround service is quite efficient, and will return me with a 60GB model, therefore avoiding the horrendous hours of customer service calls they would have to endure if they didn't put up their end of the deal. Given that the system is out of warranty, the repair will cost me $150 + shipping, so I figure about 200 bucks total. This isn't too bad, all things considered, this VS buying a new box at $500 (just to get an equivalent model to mine) and the bludgeoning labor involved. If I go through Sony, they send me a box, I put it in the box, I send the box back, they send me new system. Simple.

So with that in mind, I now move to the striking note that I need to back up all my game saves. All of them. This process will only be made more horrible by the lack of a 'backup folder X' or any relative function. I have to copy, game by game by game, the whole folder of saves in order to wipe the drive and retain all my saves. Now this is just MY saves, mind you, not to mention the rest of the users on my system. It's going to be a swindlefucking time. But I think it's worth it.

Through the last year or so, I have had a shitty job, no real relationship with a girl (I've had a few offers, ugly outcomes, my fault) strung out friends, pressure from family and society to get my life in motion, but the only thing that kept me fucking grounded and focused at all was that damned PlayStation. Now I don't even have that. Shit. This is gonna be bad. Shit.

Metal Gear Solidifying.

2008-06-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

Here we go again. Fuck.

Thursday should be fun, eh?

Trent and the impossibly endless creations.

2008-05-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Nine Inch Nails released ANOTHER fucking new full length free album.

Entitled 'The Slip', Trent decided to go a bit more raw with it. God damn him.

Go download it now.

Bitch, where's my fuckin' money?

2008-05-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

So the last week or two have been eventful, trust that. Between my first completion of GTAIV and the beginning of my second run, plus job hunting (still no luck, fuckin' sucks) and seeing my sister and her awesome dog Bruiser, I have had my hands full. I don't particularly find that any of it can coexist without some sort of intervention of social things, but I am managing to do my best with it. Skateboarding with a dog is damn interesting.

But overall my biggest harp at this point is that I am broke as hell. No monies. None. George DUMBSHIT Bush was supposed to send me a stimulus check, but I don't know if my parents jacked it from me or if they just haven't given me one, but either way I am not having it. Fucking TERRORISTS.

Hopefully I get some money soon, mow some lawns, sell oranges on corners, something. I need to refill my pay-as-I-go phone. Fuck.

Sorries.

2008-05-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

GTAIV has gotten the best of me. I should be back to write up something new this week, we'll see.

Til then true believers.

The opposite of light.

2008-04-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow should be an interesting, yet morbidly depressing event in my life. One that I will remember in the annuls of time for reasons I have yet to understand.

I never do anything in the summer months, shit, I'm still wishing I was employed at this point, but a small part of me is glad I'm not, as it saves me the scheduling conflicts that I would absolutely dread at this particular junction. I have to wake up early tomorrow, and anyone that knows me, knows that I'm really just not a morning person. Never have been. Don't like breakfast, don't like the early crowing of birds and the rising of the sun. Just not my thing. But tomorrow, I have to rise and shine for a depressing event, a funeral for a friend of my mother's mom. Was that confusing enough? how about my mom's friend's mom? Is that really any better?

Basically, it's a third party association funeral, one that I have no logistical connection to. I never met the lady, I just know her daughter through my mom. So as if that wasn't enough, my own mother isn't even fucking going. She wanted to, but her work denied her the rites of passage to it. So my father and I are going as representatives of the family, or some shit along those lines. I'm not sure how long it's supposed to take, as I don't frequent funeral services, and am actually relieved for that. But the dark, remorseful emotions that one would assume are evoked from an awkward situation like a funeral are what is itching at me now. I don't know how I'm gonna sit there and watch a group of patrons from this lady's life sit and read eulogies and cry and do the whole "I can't believe she's gone" thing. Like I said, I didn't know her, I had no connection to this at all, and as such, I sort of feel my presence at the event is bordering on trespassing.

To escalate this, I don't own any proper clothing for such an occasion. I own like one pair of shitty black work pants, and some stripy button down long sleeve dress shirts that only come in variations of brown and white. I risk looking like an ass wearing this sort of outfit at a funeral just on pure premise, like I'm there for the punch and cookies or some other insulting shit. I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle it, so here's to hoping nothing's too off-kilter that I can't handle it. "Hi, how's it going? This is great punch."

After this whole fucked up fiasco, I have to go to the bank to take out my money for the eventual purchase of Grand Theft Auto 4 that night. My plan really involves just getting the money, going up to the store, and paying it off. This will grant me a ticket for instant pickup upon entering the store later that night, instead of having to carry the cash on me, and walking up to stand in a line and wait for the purchase. As odd as that sounds, I'm really not trying to dick around with this whole process. The store's gonna be a clusterfuck worse than the launch of Halo 3, and I really don't want to be stuck in the middle of it. I could wait for the next day, or I could cry myself to sleep hoping that they didn't sell out of the special edition copies of the game, and I would have to inevitably wait for the next shipment, and fuck that. So my plan is really set, but how I'm going to muster up this energy for such a momentous event as a funeral, I have no clue.

I really almost feel like a morbid piece of shit for going from a funeral to buying a game that involves the ruthless killing of hundreds of random people. Some of which invariably will be innocent bystanders. But hey, that's life right? Yeah. That's life.

This anticipation is killing me.

2008-04-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

Seems I'm getting, well, antsy.

Like my mind wants to explode, and I only have two beers left to calm it the fuck down. I've been sitting around, mingling with old friends and watching streaming videos of GTAIV all damn day. It's like an episode of a very boring show that no one would watch, forcing it to be canceled within the first two episodes. Just horribly dumb shit.

But yet, I am content, liking the fact that in two days I'll be the happiest man around, at least from the perspective that I personally, will be satisfied. Now I just need to find a new job, get my fucking license, and I should be all good, right?

The beginning of something big.

2008-04-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

   The scores are beginning to roll in.
     Only two more days.
   And then the world will not be the same again.

Start
here.

Metal Gear Online steals the soul.

2008-04-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

Yes. That ski mask does come in green.

I, like many others, was gifted with the imsurmountable task of 'beta' testing the new online system for Metal Gear Solid 4. While the game doesn't come out until early June, the beta test isn't so much of a real 'beta' nor a 'test' as much as a 'dick-showing parade'. It was a way for Konami to hype their upcoming PS3 title by giving users a taste of what it looks like, and how the general game will play, without actually divulging any of the story details or even using the main character. Of course, any one who has played Metal Gear Solid, in any medium, knows that the game always revolves around the character Solid Snake, and his innate ability to be the only mother fucking soldier in history able to take down giant mechanized robots over 20 times his size with rockets all with a hard disposition for smoking cigarettes. But like I previously mentioned, instead of a demo of the game, Metal Gear Solid 4, they (the Japanese regime known as Konami/Kojima Productions) decided it was more clever to let a few (hundred thousand worldwide) in on a "closed" test of the online portion of the game, which from my experience, doesn't need any real testing, it is fucking finished. Hence why I believe this isn't so much a beta test, as it is just a show-and-tell for grown ups.

Slipping back to what I said earlier, I was daunted with the task of spending some time becoming familiar with this overtly confusing clusterfuck, as I had pre-ordered the title, and was given an "exclusive" code to download the beta. I use the term 'task' because at this point in my oh-so lovingly strung out life, with so many titles for me to be gouging my eyes out with, and inevitably callousing my fingertips to the point where I can bend fucking quarters with them, how am I to take this opportunity seriously? It was hard enough for me to come around to updating this beta, through a bittorrent style-client based in the game (the first update took 2 fucking hours to download!) and now they wanted me to update it again, which no doubt frightened the dirt of out my skivvies, but then I had to register for a Konami ID, which took me another soul-stealing 20 minutes of my existence to complete, because you know, the fact that Sony provided an unified online system that I already did this for over a year ago wasn't good enough.

All of these events actually seemed rather primitive due to the fact that while I could be getting ready for a "beta" I don't necessarily care about, as I had already invested money in the game containing the final version of it, but I also could be playing other titles, like Gran Turismo 5 Prologue, which I am currently deeply invested in, or fuck, even Warhawk, which is far more established at this point, and I can play freely, without all the hubbubs of updates and ID registration, all of which had left me wondering if this was harder than getting a state driver's license, because maybe that is actually more pertinent to my current situation.

Now that I think I've gotten my point across, here's the meat (and bones) of what I'm getting at. I decided to check it out, as that the rest of the game won't be out for a couple more months, and hey, they gave me the "golden ticket" (which were freely handed out to our friends in Europe, completely devaluing it) and so I thought I owed them, ya know, something, and other Metal Gear enthusiasts a look-see at the game's engine in action. And you know what? It's a pretty damned good. The combat system is kind of sloppy (aiming needs tweaking), but the team based action is robust and fulfilling. All of the elements that make up Metal Gear Solid as a series fit well into a multiplayer outing, which I thought they failed at with the futile attempts on Metal Gear Solid 3. It plays like a shooter, and after spending months digging away at Call of Duty 4, I felt right at home with the style. Most of the rooms I went in to, I came out on the winning side, either in first place, or second. It generated interest into the rest of game, and I'm sure I'll be spending some more time with it over the next couple of days, until I have the holy grail that is GTAIV in my hands. But for now, it definitely is a good sign that MGS4 is going to be a damn fine piece of gaming history.

Oh, and Capture the Frog is a great fucking idea.

GTAIV, echochrome, Iron Man and more.

2008-04-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

So we are officially 4 days away from the release of the biggest game this year, Grand Theft Auto IV. For those who cannot read roman numerals, that would be a four. Or 4, if you want to be retarded about it. A common misconception placed on the Grand Theft Auto series is that Grand Theft Auto: Vice City was the fourth title in the series. Actually, according to the developers, they are preceding one series number every generation, with the exception of the London games way back in '99. Those were a mistake anyway.

I am so excited for this new one, that I may just shit bricks made of solid adrenaline in shit form for months. The last one, San Andreas, was an addiction for me. It encompassed everything I wanted in the series, tapped on some things I didn't know were possible on a PS2, and excreted it upon the world. I lost 6 and a half months of my life that year, and I don't ever want them back. I still play the game occasionally, and it still has that glorious sting that it had the first time I played it, only difference being that now on my HDTV, it looks like upscaled fecal matter. Hence, my nearly astronomical anticipation of the newest one, which from the randomly strewn videos and news I've seen, looks to make San Andreas like the proverbial red-headed step child of yesteryear. Here's to progression. *Holds glass to the sky*

In other news of unanimous redundancy, I played a couple new game demos that were put up on the PlayStation Network today. One for the (surprisingly good) Iron Man movie tie-in game, and the other for an odd, perspective-sodomizing title called 'echochrome'. The Iron Man demo was pretty neat, the graphics are on par with next gen titles, and if you are in to comics and their adaptations, least be said, this one is gonna kick the shit out of the last two Spider-Man titles. The other one, echochrome (purposely not capitalized, don't ask me, ask Sony) was sold to me the second I played this demo. Think of M.C. Escher, and the abstract drawings of perspective he would do. Stairways that lead back in to each other, that kind of thing. Now put that imagery in a interactive medium. Did your head 'asplode yet? Mine wanted to, but I reinforced that fucker with steel plating years ago.

In layman's terms, if you own a PSP, or a PS3, you owe yourself a try at this title. It is gonna change the way we look at video games as art. Guaran-fucking-teed.

It's a brand new day.

2008-04-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Except for the fact that it's fucking raining where I am, and the smell of the air is rich with moisture and fresh grass. So it's not really a new day, so much as a rainy one. Filled with lots of rain. Yeah...anyways.

I would love to explain a few things about this blog, and the purpose of it. See, I found this friend while browsing the pages of Kotaku, and he has a
blog like mine, dedicated to gaming and whatnot. His is far more established and informational, but I got the blogging bug from reading it, and having gotten sick of the fucking Myspace trend, I decided this was a cleaner alternative.

The point of this here box of thoughts is that it conveys my day to day bullshit, mainly oriented towards gaming, current events, music, life, love, turds in a basket, and other miscellaneous ramblings that would otherwise go unheard by the world as I softly whimper them on to the ever growing interwebs. So expect lovingly spastic updates, with apocalyptic results.

Thank you, and have a very Montombu day!